Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
