No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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