I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
