I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
