my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
