Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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