dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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