Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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