I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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