happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is Oprah even human
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
