what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
