I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
