Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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