"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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