JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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