Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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