I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize