Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You are the jesus of drinking
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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