So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
