you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
