i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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