update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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