Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
