If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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