I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
