What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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