idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
