We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am naked and annoyed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
