before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's blow job season.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
