hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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