thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
