She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
