roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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