Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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