i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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