hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize