either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
