He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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