Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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