you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
