What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
