If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
