So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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