I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
