I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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