There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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