She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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