Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
