You made me cry and you don't even care
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
