So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
