ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
