He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just invented taco cereal.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
