i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have tasted many bathrooms
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
