Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
