I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
