I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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