I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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