Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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