Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
