He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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