the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
