it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
