we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
