my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
