apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
