hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
