She's JV to your varsity
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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