woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the day after is always just damage control
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
