Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
