We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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