i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
