a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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