i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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