Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
