As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
