Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
