She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
