yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
