I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
