and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
