he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
